Falling Slowly

Long, long ago, back in the early ancestral days of technology. Back when Netflix could still be obtained via USPS and rentalable, returnable discs, in the long lost yesteryear of 2008, I rented a movie called Once.

Now, I am, have always been, and will always be a believer in true love. In sappy love stories. In the happy ending. In fate and design coming together, right time right place, you are finally ready for this experience.

But the happy ending doesn't have to mean a castle or riches or even a prince who comes riding in on a noble steed.

Sometimes happily ever after looks like some random hurting, Irish lad singing a song to some random Czech lass after fixing her vacuum, because he sees her pain.

Sometimes being loved and seen simply for the pure light of it looks like a hurting but love filled man telling some woman he barely knows to "Go get it," causing this love starved but yearning woman to go into shock and break down crying next to the sushi counter of a grocery store at being seen for no other reason than because she said they were her favorite.

I fell in love with the movie, with the love story, with the soundtrack, but especially with the song

Falling Slowly

I don't know you, but I want you

All the more for that

Words fall through me and always fool me

And I can't react

And games that never amount

To more than they're meant

Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice

You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me

And I can't go back

And moods that take me and erase me

And I'm painted black

Well, you have suffered enough

And warred with yourself

It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice, you had a choice

You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice, you had a choice

You've made it now

Falling slowly, sing your melody

I'll sing it loud

Oh

Only love survive the fall

To me, it perfectly expressed so many of my thoughts, hopes, dreams, visions, even fears of love, of trust, of vulnerability, of seeing someone and truly being seen.

But more than that. The music was more than lyrical poetry and spoken word for the soul, it was and is the physical, lyrical, vibrational, harmonious expression and representation of the emotions, expressions, feelings and affection that simply cannot be expressed in words.

A few months ago, I created a playlist on my Spotify of love songs. But for the first time ever in my life, it was not curated with songs inspired by one man or another.

Each and every song was especially picked out as a musical, lyrical expression of who I am and how I love, or the inverse. All the specific, myriad of ways I've ever dreamt of being loved as described in song, to match what has ever been dreamt up in my head. Because the thing is, if you don't put to words what it is you want, what it is you desire, if you don't define your likes, your dislikes, what you will tolerate and will not tolerate, if you don't make the giving and receiving of love about YOUR health and well being, you will only ever be let down, heart broken, and maybe even abused in the end.

It takes a long time to break down all the walls, all the years of conditioning, of masks and shields of protection that define who you are today. Because it requires asking of yourself a whole lot of deep and oftentimes very uncomfortable questions. Why am I the way that I am?

Why do I react this way?

Why do I hold this belief?

Why do I have this fear?

Why do I not know how to answer someone when they ask me what it is I like?

And then you have to go even deeper, where did it all start to develop, all the many ages of you, to get to where you are today.

But it is so worth all the hard work, to be able to find the true you at the center.

Because when you find the true you, the deep, core values, core memories, core joys you, that's when life can be centered around love, growth, health and no longer be held captive in chains of guilt, shame, fear and embarrassment, the roots of what stops so many from going after the things we most desire in life, that would bring us the most joy, peace, happiness and love.

And that's when living can truly begin.

Just know, you are never alone, and you never have to be alone on your healing journey. One day I hope to have more resources available on the website for all stages of healing, to help people wherever they may be at in their healing journey, whether that is just beginning to ask questions, needing guidance and direction, or curiosity and in need of further enrichment.

But for now, everyone is welcome to reach out with any thoughts, questions, personal healing theories via the contact page.

In light, love and blessings.

~KaCee