More Than Just a Song
- kaceeshos
- May 12, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Jun 20, 2024
Trigger Warning: This post alludes to domestic violence and murder, and mentions suicide.
If you think you or someone you love is an abusive relationship, there is safe help out there.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 online, via SMS and by phone.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence's mission is to support survivors and hold offender's accountable, while supporting advocates.
Learn how to identify the signs of abuse, gaslighting and manipulation:
If you or someone you love is struggling with mental health, please do not try to keep pushing through. Reach out for help. There are professionals there to help.
On July 16th, 2022 9-8-8 went live, making it even easier to reach out for help to the suicide hotline. Do not wait until it is too late.
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Over the last two weeks, I have been seeing this woman's story all over TikTok , and this song has been coming up a lot for me the past three weeks. I even felt compelled to make a duet TikTok last night, which I rarely do, to one of her last TikTok's, of her singing this exact song.
While filming the duet, I was overcome with emotions I wasn't expecting and legitimately broke down sobbing, which continued off camera for another 10 or so minutes.
This song was released, Wednesday January 26th, 2022.
On Thursday January 27th, 2022 my ex made a statement to me during a phone call while in intensive-hospitalization after multiple suicide attempts that is what set off the series of events leading to his 4th suicide attempt.
The following Sunday, January, 30th, 2022, he was physically restrained and detained during his 4th attempt in one month.
During the months of January to June, I clung to my Faith, my Bible study groups and worship music. I found strength, solace, comfort and healing in them. Though, I struggled with Faith, and I still do.
Because so many people claim to be Christian but do not practice Christianity as Christ taught it.
Because so many churches cherry pick languages, Bibles, interpretations, doctrines to suit POWER and MAN'S position.
Because the moment he could get his hands on a phone, my ex immediately started quoting scripture at me as a means of manipulation to guilt me into not divorcing him.
Because while my ex was in Intensive In-Patient Therapy/Hospitalization for multiple suicides in reaction to me telling him I was done with the abuse and marriage, someone in church leadership suggested I consider marriage counselling before continuing to pursue divorce, EVEN KNOWING the things my husband had done to me.
And many other sundry and myriad mixed things that are not part of todays thoughts.
But part of my continued healing journey up to today has been deconstructing my own Faith and todays modern Christianity, to discern what it is actually supposed to be under the layers of selfishness, greed, deceit and other human driven false beliefs. Because my Faith, my relationship with God, Jesus, the Divine, Spirit, whatever you want to call it is PERSONAL and between me and the Creator and not me and man.
But this song came out, just when I needed it to.
It helped me to find the strength within myself that I needed to access to finally LET GO of the responsibility of helping HIM SEE all the things he needed to see, AND to finally be able to walk away.
All that said, today, this past weekend, and in coming across the recent death of this beautiful woman who I was never blessed with meeting (Mica Acacia Francis), but who was terribly, horribly, irrevocably failed by her husband, our justice system AND our religious community, I have come to understand a much deeper meaning of this song in my healing journey and what it meant with my ex, that my body and brain recognized at the time, but that I wasn't able to see or understand until this weekend.
Mica sang this very song in one of her last posts, and the gamut of emotions upon her face, I instantly recognized, for I'd been there, and I had felt every last one of them.
It was literally an emotional and verbal expression of peace, blessing, understanding, forgiveness, sorrow, anguish, pain and acceptance all rolled into one.
A prayer of of grace, peace, loving hope and guidance over the other person.
I speak the name of Jesus over you
A prayer that they allow help to come into their life and into their heart, but most importantly into their pain.
In your hurting, in your sorrow
I will ask my God to move
A prayer over their trauma, hurt, pain and inner turmoil, because only someone who has suffered such incredible trauma, usually in the very early foundational years of their life, could so consciously hurt someone else to this extent and be as cruel as they had been and feel no remorse.
I speak the name 'cause it's all that I can do
A prayer of hopelessness, because there is nothing left to do but surrender it into someone else's hands and literally pray that the divine can speak to their heart.
In desperation, I'll seek Heaven
And pray this for you
A prayer of healing, knowing that we are all tortured souls, living guilt and shame driven, inner pained lives, knowing that what everyone needs most is grace, love, healing, guidance, acceptance, and help; not condemnation, anger, rage, or judgement.
I pray for your healing
That circumstances would change
I pray that the fear inside would flee in Jesus name
I pray that a breakthrough would happen today
I pray miracles over your life in Jesus name, in Jesus name
But also a desperate, pleading, pain filled, anguished cry to someone she once loved, begging for him to remember all that was once beautiful between them too, and take ownership of all the wrongs done.
I speak the name of all authority
Declaring blessings, every promise
He is faithful to keep
I speak the name no grave could ever hold
He is greater, He is stronger
He's the God of possible
A prayer with a look that I have only just now come to understand that I too was silently giving him then, as I see it reflected back at me now in this beautiful souls now gone eyes, as she sang it with the exact same emotions shining out at me.
I pray for your healing
That circumstances would change
I pray that the fear inside would flee in Jesus name
I pray that a breakthrough would happen today
I pray miracles over your life in Jesus name
In Jesus name
Willing them to CHOOSE to be the Godly man they once (or still) claimed to be.
Come believe it
Willing them to CHOOSE to heal the hurts they've caused.
Come receive it
Willing them to CHOOSE to stop the pain.
Oh, the power of His Spirit is now forever yours
Willing them to CHOOSE to be a GOOD human.
Come believe it
Willing them to OWN their decisions, their actions, their choices.
Come receive it
And subsequently to own the CONSEQUENCES that come with those decisions, actions, and choices.
In the mighty name of Jesus, all things are possible
But deeper, and more painfully still, I also see a painful acceptance of the reality of the situation. A painful acceptance of certain things potentially happening (in her case coming to pass), and still praying an anguished, grace filled, heart broken prayer over them.
I pray for your healing
That one day, their eyes will be opened and they will see all they have done.
That circumstances will change
That one day, something will happen to change them so fundamentally at the soul level that the veil is torn asunder and their vision become so achingly crystal clear they can do nothing but weep at the feet of Jesus for all they have done to hurt others because of the hurt inside of them.
I pray that the fear inside will flee in Jesus name
That one day, the fear that has been holding them back all this time, the guilt, the shame, the pressure and fear of themselves becomes the very thing that drives them to BECOME better.
I pray that a breakthrough
A prayer of knowledge, discernment, growth and wisdom to come in, giving peace and freedom from the demons that have been plaguing them all of their life.
Would happen today
Praying it would happen today, but knowing it won't, not for me, and not for her.
I pray miracles over your life in Jesus name
A prayer of forgiveness, because in the end, forgiving them isn't about them. It's about my peace of mind. And it was about Mica's peace of mind in the end. She knew the truth and she knew whose she was and who she was, the same way I do.
I pray for revival
But there's still that last shred of hope, of love, of faith in the final prayer. That the man you fell in love with is still somewhere inside.
For restoration of faith
A prayer of hope, meant to appeal to their humanity, their faith, their fundamental beliefs.
I pray that the dead will come alive in Jesus name
A prayer that the person you knew, the person who loved you, the one who died, would come back to life, a last ditch prayer.
In Jesus name
I will most likely never come into contact or cross paths with anyone surrounding J.P. Miller, but for the sake of Mica Acacia Francis, I pray for your healing, that the veil be torn from your eyes and you do the right thing.
The world lost a beautiful, pure soul on April 27th, 2024.
#sheiswhy I speak up and out and share my story.
Because #shewasfailed
And I could have been too.
I had a safe word to be texted out for someone to call 9-1-1 if I wasn't safe to call 91-1 myself.
I had go bags with clothes, charging cables, toiletries, legal documents, emergency rations, bottled waters, medical paperwork, etc., packed and ready to go in the car for the kids and myself.
I had a safety plan and a safety team.
But people still to this day don't believe the extent of how bad things were for me.
Just like how she had files, reports, a restraining order and months of documentation, no protection, and still, she was failed.
My heart aches and weeps for the world, for Mica, for myself, for so many others.
#justiceformica #domesticviolenceawareness #domesticviolencesurvivor #nomore #nomorekeepingthepeace #nomorekeepingsilent #nomoreprotectingtheirreputation #silentnomore #youarenotalone #helpisoutthere #iprayforyourhealing
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